It’s not a problem to have a problem. It’s a problem to have a problem and not be open to finding a solution. 


“What are you going to be using your new laptop for ma’am?..”

“…Writing. I love to Write.”

Three months, countless MRIs, CT’s, Medication increases, Added Medications, New Diagnoses, Handfuls of ER Visits and Doctors Appointments, and we are still going.
In my world, I have come to find out that I will never really have that solid answer that I am looking for. “Do you want cheese with that?” Possibly. “Well what do you mean?” That is the world I live in. There are several different options in my world and I have just learned, to accept and roll with it. With a smile, because somehow, even with everything that has been going on.. I have found my glorious smile again.

I exited the store with my new MacBook, only slightly wobbling to my car because I had a headache hit me while I was speaking with the Sales Associate. When I have the Migraine/Headaches now, they cause daily Seizures auras which are intense enough for me to feel all over tingling, numbness, confusion, heaviness, loss of coordination, and balance problems. The Seizures trigger my Todd’s Post-Ictal Paralysis and that can last anywhere from a few hours to a full week, or even longer depending on how they will continue to progress in the future. Sitting my car, I thought about how this is my daily routine for life. How my seizures were first just numbing of the tongue and how they blew up to this proportion. I wondered how they will continue to worsen over time, but how it’s going to be ok.. It’s all about your personal outlook. It’s all about the large picture. Had I continued to sit there and be upset for the way all my diagnoses had continued to go, and how my doctors visits and trips were handled, I don’t think emotionally, I would be ok today. I had used alcohol to try and solve my problems and I had to pull myself away from that and today, I am learning to work through problems on my own or with the help of my trusted girl friends. It took some time, but thankfully I took that time, and I listened to the one person who took the countless times out of his life to let me know that I needed to change.  There is always a path for us but in the world of Neurology for me, healing is slow, and can take it’s turn for more complications and more side effects and more trips for more appointments. When I thought that my year would be easy after my Gamma Knife surgery, it turned out to be harder and, well, you may or may not have seen the blogs, but they are all there. It’s been a ride.

I am forever thankful for everyone who continues to remind me of how far I have come. It has been a rough two years of learning to truly cope with illness, but when handled correctly you are able to take that strength and turn it into something courageous for yourself and, that strength shines around you. It feels good to be  able to write again and it will always be good to continue to write and share my continued journey, as I learn more and more of what it is to truly walk through life, post Ateriovenous Malformation










One thought on “Tangles

  1. Your words are always so easy to read,yet so heartbreaking. Love you girl,head always held high. =) always here if you need a friend ❤ Lynnette

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s