The weekend we just had, was incredible.
We spent the entire weekend with a longtime friend who took us to all these great little spots that you would NEVER find on yelp, including a place where we sang our hearts out with a huge crowd at a piano bar, where two older guys sang cover songs from Dr. Dre to Tears for Fears. On Sunday, Ricardo and I finally did what we had only talked about doing for the past three years together, and we finally got to spend the day together at the Ranger Stadium. The Texas Rangers brought out Hamilton and the stadium went wild when we won! Dallas, you sure do know how to take my mind off feeling sick.
Monday Morning, Nerves were the least of my concern. I needed to gather everything that I had been experiencing for the last month and try to summarize it as best as I possibly could for the UT Southwestern doctors. In the back of my mind, I thought it was all stroke related. Debilitating headaches, painful tingling, numbness, exhaustion, right sided weakness and vision changes, this was everything I had been experiencing right before I had my hemorrhagic stroke in 2014. It was 8am, and we were headed out the door and into the I30 traffic….
“To get your MRI in the Rogers building you’ll need to go to the right and up the stairs”.. this place isn’t anything short of a maze. You get into this place and you have to use the Valet and you have to ask directions even inside the buildings. But it’s beautiful… The huge orange blown glass structure soon as you walk in takes your breath away, the marbleesque floors.
The staff is friendly and they take pride in their facility and their grounds. Exotic cars line the valet parking out front as patients and valet stare in awe at the beauty of them, and for the first time, my BMW was parked out front with the others! Finally I got to check that off my bucket list! We walked up the stairs, because the elevator makes me dizzy, and into the MRI department we went.
5 hours later, we walked out and honestly I’ve never been so frustrated in my life. An hour of trying to track down my insurance information, another hour of waiting in the lobby, another two hours of waiting in the patients private room, another 45 in the MRI, and then they forgot to print me a CD copy, so we waiting 20 minutes before deciding that we needed to leave and head over to see my neurologist. We were exhausted. and I know we were both ready for an answer.
After a short drive to the Aston Building and waiting maybe 20 minutes in neurosurgery, we were walked back into my doctors office.. and not even 2 minutes later.. the Doctor walked in.
“Brittany are you here for a routine checkup?”
I took a breath. And this is how it went.
“Well.. yes, but no, I’ve had all of these very strange symptoms hit me, I wake up in the morning and it’s as if I woke up in the morning from stroke recovery, my arm is numb and weak and my leg is tingling and weak. My eyes have to adjust to the light because its as if I’m looking at fireworks.. My balance is terrible and thats how I begin my day. At work I can walk but Im incredibly tired.. after two hours or so, i have no choice but to sit and I work at a very busy location and I can’t sit all day. When my tingling through my feet and legs comes on, it’s incredible painful, my headache will stop me from working, it will affect my vision and it’s as if I’m changing the warmth and contrast in a photo, but it’s my own eyesight. I lose my breath and my memory just isnt there, my chest is heavy and at night these symptoms, the painful tingling will wake me up out of my sleep. I will make a frog like motion trying to cope..”
All while I was talking I felt like I had someone who was listening and wanted to find and answer and as soon as I was done, we took a look at the MRI together…
Ricardo, turned my chair around and stood right behind me, actively listening,
“You can see right here that this is where you had your hemorrhage, as you can see, there is a black area and that is a hole, that was where the AVM was removed and that left a hole, but all of this white, that is scar tissue,” as I stared at the white lighting up the screen, I wondered what he was going to tell me as he was pointing out the ring.. “this ring of white, that is irritating your brain and that irritation to the surrounding areas, can cause seizures.. every single symptom you are experiencing is that of a seizure. I want you to get in as soon as possible to see our Epilepsy Specialists, your symptoms could be leading into worsening seizures and for that reason, I would like to get you in for further testing….
When I signed the papers to have brain surgery in January 2014, seizures was on the list of a complication that I would possibly experience. But I signed because it was an risk that I was willing to take. I was also ready to face to face leaving the earth, knowing that if my Lord was going to take me that afternoon, it was all in his plan, and my family, and my Ricardo was going to have to accept that. But, he didn’t. He gave me strength and courage and words to come home and then, he gave me creativity to write a blog that would take me places that I didn’t even know I could go. Now, I am on to a new journey, a journey to figure out what it’s like to live through multiple daily Epileptic seizures until we figure out how to stop them. It’s painful, and when I say pain, I mean pain. I hate for Ricardo to see me struggle to walk to the room, get on the bed, roll around and tear up while I go through what I now know, could be a sensory seizure. It worries me to wonder if one day, I might lose conscious at work.. I rely on myself to pay my bills, and I am proud to wake up and be able to still go to work. It’s never in my plan to give up, or let something overtake me. It’s always in my plan to fight, and figure out a way to continue on through the fight until I get to my next checkpoint. I have places to go, things to see, memories to make, and anniversaries with Ricardo to set. Until we can figure out the solution, I will be here, standing strong and fighting, hoping that one day, I can miraculously find strength within myself and still, be the best energetic person that I can, for myself and for my readers.