“I cannot stand to be in an elevator at all…, it makes me feel like I am floating and bobbing around in water for the next hour.” I said to my doctor. We were talking about side effects that I still encounter from my stroke when he politely laughed and said the Parietal Lobe, a large part of the brain that controls things like spatial awareness(knowing where you are in space), was greatly affected from my hemorrhage.
I can’t close my eyes in the shower, or I will fall forward before I can catch my balance. I wore heels the other day, but my head felt as if it was floating around while I was walking, and I can’t for the life of my sneeze without feeling a bit dizzy.
Things haven’t changed much sensory or spatial wise, but I always remembered what my internal medicine doctor told me, and it was that I would never recover to where I was before, but I will continue to get used to the sensations I have lost… and you know what. He was right.
Ricardo and I were at the gym when I was on a machine that works the glutes. I was using my affected right leg to push the lever backwards when my foot slips off and 50 pounds of weight caught my achilles and pushed my toe down and leg forward when the weight slammed down at its resting spot. All I felt was a little pressure and we went about our early morning workout. Ricardo looked at me like I was crazy for just walking away as if nothing happened. We went to go stretch in a room used for yoga when I noticed how numb my leg still feels. All throughout our workouts, I can feel my left arm/leg getting tired and my right affected arm/leg feeling like it hasn’t been moving weights at all. All I feel is pressure from my joints. I have to really concentrate on my muscle working, and thats really hard to do when you can hardly feel a thing. My right side also has super strength! I can lift weights easier with my right side, when my left side struggles with a 5 pound difference.
Getting used to something I was aiming to heal completely from was once a hard thing to hear, but its actually been better for me. It would have been too easy for me to just feel my right side 100% after surgery again. I wouldn’t have the constant challenge of balance there to remind me that no matter what things I have achieved, I still need to remain a humble person. I have climbed a mountain of recovery and from it made a blog that I am proud of, but that shouldn’t make me feel like super woman. I am a human and it could all happen again in a heartbeat, or in this case, pulse. We all learned how to walk as babies, I just needed to do it a second time. We all learned how to keep ourselves upright without help from people or objects as toddlers, I am just relearning that a second time. We all learn how to adapt, and thats the current process of learning that I am currently going through right now. As long as we have gravity to keep us attached to earth, Ill be able to learn how to keep my full balance while my eyes are closed.