In the meantime

I woke up at 8am and got ready for an incredibly important appointment. My biopsy. The, do-I-have-lymphoma-or-not biopsy. The phone rang, and it was Ricardo calling.. just to make sure I was awake, which I was, I hardly slept at all the night before. I spent at least an hour on the #Lymphoma tag on Instagram, trying to see if I could put myself into their shoes and their hair loss. The hair loss… I spent all morning getting ready thinking about it. I love my hair and so does Ricardo. It’s thick, long, somewhat curly and I love to put it in a big bun on the top of my head, with no fake donut hair filler things. It’s long and I am not ready to part with it just yet. I got into my comfy denim button up shirt and sat down on my chair in front of my mirror. My hair was everywhere. My Half straight, half up in my bun and half frizzy bed head hair stood out in all directions, I almost had a panic attack trying to get it into a neat side braid. I took my time straightening it out and I ended up losing track of time and next thing I know, Ricardo is standing in the room wondering why I wasn’t fully ready to leave. I slapped everything into place and we ran out the door.

“Ok, just go down the hall and its the 2nd office on your right.” I signed in and we nervously walked hand in hand down the hall to the Doctors seating area. As soon as I sat down, the door opens and we were called in by a smiling nurse. Things felt a little easier and I felt like it was going to be easy, fast, and above all, exciting. “Record it so I can see what everything looks like!” I happily said. Ricardo had a pocket in his work shirt and we spent a good 10 minutes getting the angle situated before the doctor came in and introduced himself. He asked me a few questions about my cancer history and abruptly left the room. I assumed he was leaving to get the nurse so we could get the biopsy going.. but instead he came back with bad news.

The biopsy would be rescheduled because he wanted a CT first. “What in the hell??” I thought.

I had to hold my breath for a minute to get a hold of myself. I was beyond mad, but stayed calm and just agreed with the doctor. First of all. I was getting tired of spending $50 an appointment just to see a doctor for 10 minutes for results or just to talk about symptoms I’m having. I see nothing but specialists, and I guess I should be grateful that it isn’t $200, but come on. I hadn’t been cleared to go back to work full time so I needed to save money when I could. Second of all, I was scheduled for BIOPSY. Not for a consultation of what this guy thinks is best in the situation. We could have biopsied, and then done a CT. But hey, what do I know, I’m just a patient.

I left pissed. Flustered and angry and pissed. We have a huge swollen lymph node, ready to be plucked out from behind my ear and a skilled doctor who has all the tools in the room to perform the biopsy and what does he do.. Schedule me for lab and tells me to come back in 2 weeks.

I had so many emotions running through me that I starting crying as soon as I walked out of the clinic.

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