I remember the moment that I looked up my 2014 horoscope and reading what it said for the year. It said how my year was going to be a bad one and how it would change drastically.. but I never thought it would be spot on.
It’s been 99 days since my brain surgery. That’s 2,376 hours. I’m always thinking about time and what it all means. I woke up 3 hours after the surgery and went into shock the moment the nurse woke me. I was so surprised that I was actually alive. The next day I woke up to have breakfast and lifted my right leg without straining and without pain. The road to recovery seemed like it was going to be a great one without problem.. until I was told that the surgeons were unable to safely get to another source of the bleed, and that I was not 100% fixed.
My phone was ringing and it woke me up early Friday morning. I was a few seconds too late to answer it and waited for the voice mail. It was from the Dallas hospital that I was referred to and they were ready to schedule my appointment to be seen, 5 days after my last follow up appointment for my surgeons here. Other than my family and Ricardo, I am are eager to hear the plan of action that the specialists have for me and we are all ready to get the bleed I currently have fixed. A recent CT of the neck showed my oncologist that I have many swollen lymph nodes, and a bleed that is slowly growing.
I never expected to be able to walk out of that hospital, but I did. I never expected to regain anymore feeling on my right side, but I have. I never thought that I would do so well so soon after BRAIN SURGERY.. But I am. That feeling of waking up alive humbled me and forever changed my world and the way I view time. It’s so precious and the way we spend it is life itself. I ask myself, what am I doing right and what am I doing wrong? How could I be communicating better and how could I make the most out of my time? What am I doing wrong, and how can I live my life better? How can I be fully satisfied with the way that I am living? Am I fully satisfied?..
Are we ever fully satisfied? My brain is a big reason for my evergrowing bucket list, but it’s not going to be the source of the fear to get it done sooner than I expected.