I felt nauseated on the drive over and almost tripped while getting out of my car. It was strange but I felt like I was going to faint.. I wondered if I was offloading too much of my stress onto Ricardo and it made me feel like I was losing control over my fears of what medicine could prove.
I walked inside and Ricardo greeted me with the sweetest hug and kiss. He can always tell when I need it. Ricardo is amazing when it comes to reminding me of my strength. He is the only man who can actually calm my nerves and get me to stop and focus on the big picture when I am making things worse than they actually are. “I just don’t want to lose my eyebrows from chemo.” I said. It know it seems so small but for me it ‘s everything.. “..and I don’t want to really lose my hair.. and is chemo even safe while I’m still healing from my Brain Surgery?..” Ricardo interrupted me and said, “Baby.. YOU’RE the one who said that your hair will grow back if they had to cut it for brain surgery. Remember?” We both smiled. He wouldn’t let me start my sentence with anything that showed my false fear and it really helped me realize that, yeah ok it could possibly be lymphoma but it could also be my body working hard to keep infections away from my healing brain. I sighed and we began talking about a new, happier subject.
We see those cheesy motivational quotes like, “live life to the fullest” or the famous “tomorrow isn’t promised”, and I personally never stopped to think twice about them before my hemorrhage/cancer scares. I sat in the room with Ricardo and silently thought about it all while we got ready for bed. For months I blamed myself about a mistake that I made that ended up making the hugest impact on my social life, and at that moment I stopped letting the blame come back into my life. I wasn’t going to let any of my past mistakes hold me back from living the life that I CAN live and the life I SHOULD be living. We don’t need any reasons to go out and experience as much life as we possibly can. We don’t need to have medicine hit us with bricks before we decide to get up and go out instead of staying in. We don’t need struggles to remind us that life is unpredictable and can be gone in a minute. We should be out there with smiles on our faces and good memories in our minds.
I’m not going to let anything get in the way of a great memory. Will you?