I turned the tv off and stared at the wall while the Doctor explained that a pregnancy was too high risk and I could possibly suffer an aneurysm from the blood pressure increase alone. The artery that was left behind, slightly bleeding in my brain, was too deep and created too much of a risk to me for them to operate on. He explained that I would have to be closely monitored before I would ever be given the thumbs up to conceive solely based off of the inoperable artery. All I heard, was him saying “You can kiss all those dreams of a family goodbye and throw them out your window because it’s not happening.” I called the nurse and asked for her to bring in some Tylenol.
Ricardo never lets bad news like this get a hold of me. He grabbed my hands and whispered, “Honey, we will get through this, he said we still have a chance.” He convinced me to get some much needed rest. The nurse came to inject pain medication and while he snored, I drifted to sleep on the thoughts of adopting.
2 weeks passed and the subject turned into taboo. We tried to get back into our normal routine, but Rick thought he had reopened my incision and I was afraid that any excitement would cause an aneurysm. We always laughed about it and wondered if it was appropriate to actually ask the doctor when any activity would be safe, so until then, we decided to take things easy and ended up spending our nights just like we did when we first met. Dates, dinners, cuddled up watching movies and eating junk food in bed. The routine shift made me feel like we were still that sweet, innocent pair talking at the bar top when we first met, who had so much more to learn about one another. The hospital got in the way of our normal life. I leaned on him so much in those times that I wonder how he dealt with the stress when he was alone.. but thank God I made it home and now he did nothing but smile and shower me with all the love he could give. Here we were, 2 years after being together with renewed feelings of excitement just to be in the same room.
It took those moments for us to realize, that we would be everything that we ever wanted. We would have to give up our baby dream but that won’t stop us from experiencing everything else that life has to offer. God put this beyond amazing man in my life and gave us the tools that we used to create an incredible relationship between one another.
It is pointless to focus on what we don’t have, rather than what we do have. We have each other. I have the love of my life and he has his wife to his left, smiling back at him in the restaurant, eating French fries off of his plate.